Malissa & Gordon @ menzies.scot : Speeches

Our vows were not your standard vows.

But they did seem to go down quite well.

One bit of feedback, for example, was, "I didn't know whether I should be laughing, or crying, or what!".

Another common bit of feedback was, "Can you put a copy of your vows online, so I can read them?"

We don't like to disappoint, so here they are...

(Malissa's parts in bold, Gordon's in italics.)

The Things I Love About You, The Things That Drive Me Up The Wall

I understand that we share responsibility for our dogs, and that we can both take turns to take the dogs out last thing at night.

I appreciate that you understand that we share dog toileting responsibility in the evenings. However, I understand that if I don't take the dogs out at night, there will be pee to clean up.

I understand that watching major football tournaments, live on television, shouldn't be something we plan our lives around.

I appreciate that you understand that watching major football tournaments, live on television, shouldn't be something we plan our lives around. However, I understand that I should plan to avoid planning any life events around a major football tournament.

I understand that butter should be put back in the fridge when I'm finished using it, and it’s really annoying that I forget to do this at least 80% of the time.

I understand that you understand that butter should be put back in the fridge when you're finished using it. However, I understand that it really is easier to spread softened butter, and that there are advantages to the butter being kept on the kitchen worktop next to the bread. And the jam. And the knife you use to make a sandwich.

I understand that "I haven't had any coffee yet" isn't a valid excuse for being any or all of the following: grumpy, shouty, incoherent, slow, confused, emotional, miserable and still in bed.

I appreciate that you understand that "you haven't had coffee yet" isn't a valid excuse for being insufferable. However, I understand that coffee is the bottom tier of your Hierarchy of Needs.

I understand that Judge Judy is not your favourite TV show, and maybe that BBC Four documentary about the origin of windmills would be more entertaining and informative.

I appreciate that you understand that Judge Judy is not my favourite television programme, and that, maybe, that strange comedy show on Dave about the monkeys would be hilarious. However, I understand that, at this stage, I am halfway to qualifying as a practicing attorney in the US.

I understand that, if we are running late, I could take less time in the shower, or shave more quickly, or wear odd socks, to give us a chance to still get wherever we are going on time.

I appreciate you understand that if we are running late, you could mess with your morning routine to give us a chance to get somewhere on time. But, I understand that waking you in time to ensure you have access to coffee and the correct amount of time to get ready is to everyone's benefit.

I understand that my response to the question "Where do you want to go for dinner" does not always have to be "I don't know, wherever you like".

I appreciate that you understand that "I don't know, wherever you like" is not the only answer you have to the question "Where do you want to go for dinner". However, I understand that "I don't know, wherever you like" is also my favourite response to the question "Where do you want to go for dinner".

I understand that it is not always helpful to point out the ethical background of a good or service you are thinking of buying, especially when we are standing in Primark.

I appreciate that you understand that I sometime want to ignore the sourcing of good and services I am thinking of buying. However, I understand that you only think about these things because you just want to do the right thing.

I understand that when you are being insensitive, it is not because you are a robot, even if your response to "I want a cuddle" has previously involved handing me a puppy.

I appreciate that I can be an insensitive idiot, but to be fair, our dogs give good cuddles.

I understand that when you decided that your chosen physio plan for recovering from breaking a major joint involved taking up a full­ contact sport played on roller skates, it wasn't because you had a death wish.

I appreciate that roller derby wasn't necessarily the most sensible sport for someone as clumsy as me to take up, but I love that you always support me, no matter what harebrained ideas I have.

I love you, and the last ten years have been the best ten years of my life, and I can't wait for all of the years to come.

I love you, and the last ten years have been the best ten years of my life, and I can't wait for all of the years to come.